A friend recently pointed out a 2009 Fortune online piece in which Sheryl Sandberg, current COO of Facebook, refers to the behavior of some women as “leaving before leave.”  It’s a specific reference to women who are of child-bearing age and are likely to slow their careers even before they become pregnant, some before they are even in an anticipated relationship.  She says it’s a mistake.  I disagree.

Sheryl Sandberg: Mom, Executive Photo Credit: Google

She writes:

“I…believe that once you have a child, it becomes necessary to make real changes, including potentially deemphasizing your career. But slowing down too early is a mistake that too many women make today, often without even realizing it. Because they sincerely want to stay in the workforce, they try to make room for everything and they slow down–or unconsciously pull back–well before their circumstances actually change. By the time they fully return, they are in jobs that no longer challenge or reward them enough to hold their attention.“

In the greater context of the piece, I do think there are essential points Sandberg glossed over.

Sandberg is hardly representative of all managers, male or female.  I can think of two examples: one where a woman got laid off right after she told her manager she was pregnant; one where a woman got laid off soon after returning to work after her second child.  Would a manager admit the connection?  Of course not.  But both had evidence that their “choices” played roles.  And these women DIDN’T “leave before leave.”  Imagine if they had!

Choices

Making Hard Choices

Sandberg writes:

No one can know in advance the choices they will make after going through a life change as profound as becoming a parent. But if you want to preserve the option of staying in the workforce and building a career, my advice is simple. Stay fully engaged, take on new and interesting challenges, and do so until you have a child. Keep your foot on the gas pedal until your life actually changes. Then you can make the decision to keep driving quickly, slow down, or step out of the car.

Choosing to take time off to raise a child or care for a sick parent CAN be considered part of a career.  A career spans decades and includes many life changes, such as advancement, talent development opportunities, extended time off, and the plan to return.  In a society where moms work on a Thursday and give birth on a Friday, “leave before leave” can help preserve sanity.

There are many industries such as law, journalism, and medicine where hours are long and erratic.  If a person doesn’t decide to pull back before he or she is in a relationship which might lead to a desired family, that relationship may never materialize.  From my experience in journalism, you don’t even realize you’re on the road to becoming a “news nun” until you’ve almost gotten your habit and blessing.  You’re having too much fun, you’re embracing your responsibility to inform the public, and you better have a pet sitter on speed dial for those last minute trips to breaking news sites.

The Biggest Oversights

Most importantly, I think Sandberg misses the point that everyone, male or female, engages in “leave before leave” to some degree fairly often.  It potentially has little to do with success or job performance.  It’s about finding work/life balance in varying degrees.  Most of corporate America experiences a tiny bit of “leave before leave” every Friday after 3pm between Memorial Day and Labor Day.   Or how about pending weddings, vacations, and even just a hot date that night?  People naturally pull back in the face of other priorities.  It may not hinder performance, but bad timing could impact advancement.

She also does not define “career,” even in her own view.  How does she define balance between title, paycheck, direct reports, benefits, ability to balance life, chances save the planet, feel fulfilled, etc?  We all split this pie differently, and one recipe is not necessarily better.

Sandberg suggests forging ahead no matter what life obstacle gets in the way.  She writes that she hired someone who became pregnant soon after joining Facebook.  Sandberg herself took the Facebook job upon her return to work after the birth of her second child.  Her main theme is this: there’s never a good time.

She’s right, there is often never a perfect time.

Stop Your Career At Your Own Risk

Sandberg is outspoken about her hard work to provide leadership opportunities for women and deserves all the attention she gets for it.  But at the end of the day, she has to report to someone and make her numbers.  I strongly doubt she’d hire me, 8 months pregnant, even if I was the best “whatever” on earth.  The key is knowing when something is a “once in a lifetime” opportunity and when it isn’t.

I Practiced “Leaving Before Leave”

I think by “leaving before leave,” I have shown that I respect potential employers. Making a huge investment in me, an unknown, only to need a replacement in a few months during maternity leave is asking a lot.  In a “need it now” society where employers have work to be done or risk losing headcount without immediate hires, most look at current availability.  Yet, I have already had positive response from hiring managers and clients as a result.  I’m not sitting idly by; I have continued to work at a level that fits my current situation.

Consider the numbers:  According to the CDC, 4 million women give birth each year.  The US Census reports that 56% of moms with infants in 2004 are working, down from a record high of 59% in 1998.  And 51% of women returned to work within 4 months of having their first children.  True, we cannot assess the “quality” of those jobs.

You have to consider your job as well as your career.  Sandberg talks about conversations she’s had with women who didn’t even have boyfriends and yet were pulling back, planning to have children.  (She didn’t mention the rising trend of single motherhood by choice, by the way) If women approached their relationships with the same energy and drive that they put towards work, that boyfriend-husband-baby path may not be as long as Sandberg implies.  That entire process can take less than two years.  Sandberg would argue that two years of pulling back will greatly and adversely affect my prospects going forward.  As I still get calls for jobs and assignments, I disagree.

It has to do with the person and how that person tackles ANY challenge, personal or professional.

In addition to Sandberg being among a tiny proportion of potentially understanding managers, she is likely among a small proportion of high wage earners.  She doesn’t discuss her childcare options, which are likely choices not experienced by the majority of working moms.  Former TV personality and current entrepreneur Joan Lunden is mom to 4 children under 7 and 3 others.  On a Thursday May 20th appearance on ABC’s The View, she freely agreed that being married to an owner of summer camps and having the resources to comfortably provide for her kids makes all the difference in balancing work and family with the help of her husband.

Sandberg gives job applicants the option of expressing their plans to have children.  She asks them directly, which is a questionable practice according to the EEOC.  It’s illegal to discriminate in the course of hiring, firing and other conditions of employment based on pregnancy.  With that in mind, she might argue that I should not have considered my pregnancy in a job search.

Hard Work Pays Off

Sandberg has an admirable life at which she worked very hard to earn.  She’s Harvard educated (undergrad and grad).  Her resume includes being the highest ranking woman at Google and Chief of Staff at the US Department of the Treasury.  She’s now half of what could be called a Silicon Valley “power couple,”  married to SurveyMonkey CEO, David Goldberg.  In other words, she’s no slouch.

Her dad is a well-known eye doctor in Florida.  Her mom is a teacher.  Together, they founded the South Florida Conference on Soviet Jewry.  In 1975, they were detained, questioned, and expelled from the USSR.  This is a passionate family.  Sheryl’s efforts clearly have deep roots in a family with strong values and drive.

Sandberg worked as an economist at the World Bank on international issues. She now works for a company that touches 500 million people worldwide.  She has a clear view of the world as a whole.  I would just suggest that when needed, she shrink her world view to realize a wider range of women and what we offer.  It will be several months before I know if my decision was a mistake.  But I am  confident that it was not. That confidence will count for something.

I had the great opportunity to spend some time in our nation’s Capitol recently. I bring an air of nostalgia to the city every time I visit, as I lived there on two separate occasions during the Clinton Administration.  Once, I worked for him in his press office.  The second time, I worked to cover him at ABCNews.

The sun sets, but many are still working

It’s not defusing bombs in Iraq.  It’s not putting in 12 hours of assembly line work, which sounds mind-numbing. Unless that assembly line turns out the food you eat or the car you drive and you pray that the minds at work are not numb, but sharp.  One thing I will tell you is that our Executive branch continues to be one of the hardest working group of cubicle inhabiters out there.  My proof?  Read on.

A friend of my husband works at the White House in a military capacity.  He showed us around the Eisenhower Executive Office Building around 9pm on a Friday night.  Most Americans were doing any number of things–continuing the happy hour that started 4 hours earlier, putting kids to bed, worried about kids who weren’t home yet, or maybe getting ready for that third shift job that pays double on the weekends.

Say Goodbye to Happy Hour

Most White House employees work here

There was a large group of people who were just leaving work or still working in the Executive Branch of government.  One person in the White House Counsel’s office, a couple of 20-somethings closing up the communication’s office, and a few taking a coffee break outside the Cantine.  There were still cars in the parking lot when we left.  Close to 10p.m.

For all the “cushy” government 9-5 paper pushing jobs that exist, you can be sure that few of them exist on the White House campus under Obama’s watch.  You might say I’m biased, having worked there before and being an open Democrat.  But I have a defense.  I worked 12-14 hour days and I was happy to do so because of the greater implications way down or up the food chain my work could have.  It was a heady time–early 20s, lots of friends, no husband or kids.  In fact, in our group of about 10, only one was married.

Lately, there have been criticisms of the perception of “work-life balance” in the Obama White House.  The President seems to get it, having dinner with his girls every night while his advisers barely see their families.  David Axelrod, who has a daughter with epilepsy and brain damage, only sees his family in Chicago once a month. Rahm Emanuel, Chief of Staff, debated taking his job since the arrival of 3 children, priorities which didn’t exist during his 15 hour days with the Clinton administration.  It’s about choices, and they’re not easy ones.

Obama’s intent to make the White House “family friendly,” really only applies to his family.  Take-home laptops for top aides don’t end up helping that much.

Art Imitates Life

Family versus country?  They’re not exactly mutually exclusive.

Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie in The Hurt Locker (Jonathan Olley/Summit Entertainment)

In the Oscar winning film, “The Hurt Locker,” Jeremy Renner’s character, Staff Sergeant William Jones, [SPOILER ALERT] chooses country over family.  Through the film, his character is portrayed as a bit of a swashbuckler.  But when it comes to decision time, it’s clear his choice isn’t made in haste.

Many military families accept this way of life for decades–that someone in the family has the struggle between family and country.  Sometimes family can come along.  Sometimes family gets through a year with emails and webcams, missing first steps or friends’ weddings.  The family’s pride for their loved one and their country helps them through.  There’s support for military families, to be sure. But it’s still hard.

Other Agencies Make it Work–Just Not the Big One

The government as a whole provides high levels of job satisfaction.  The Partnership for Public Service and American university’s Institute for the Study of Public Policy Implementation (ISPPI) conducts regular studies.  Based on responses of 212,000 employees in 278 federal organizations and agencies, of the top 31 agencies reporting on work/life balance, 20 reported increases work/life balance as compared to 2007.  The top 10 include 4 cabinet agencies: Treasury, Education, Energy, and Commerce, all who reported changes for the better of .7-4.6%.

I don’t think it’s a partisan thing–but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that President Bush spent 487 days at Camp David and 490 over 77 trips to his ranch in Texas.  I’m all in favor of “working vacations” and “working at home,” but being a writer at home is different than being President.

There’s no clear or right answer.  Do we work our government to burn-out or make honest efforts to ensure work-life balance for some hard-working Americans?  Do we tell them to suck it up?  What is truly better for our country?