So Am I a Jew? My Appetite and My Mother Says I Am.

An ongoing controversy in the U.K. caught my attention this week.  The Jews’ Free School (a public school) is being sued for discrimination by refusing to admit a child whose mother converted to Judaism, and therefore is not “technically” a Jew.

Both of my parents are Jewish, so I am “technically” a Jew.  The New York Times refers to the boy as an “observant Jew.”  So I’m guessing bacon wrapped scallops are off the menu at his house.  But they’re certainly on mine.  The last time I set foot in a temple was for a funeral.  I married a Presbyterian, in a ceremony performed by a Universal Life Minister.  I often host a Christmas party (And I’ve served home made potato latkes there).

Who Doesn't Like Potato Latkes?

Sure, I had a bat mitzvah.  But as it stands today, with all my more recent “indiscretions,” I remain more Jewish than this British kid who wants to attend a Jewish school.  This is the problem with all religion.  Either it’s “my way” or the highway.  By “MY,” I mean whatever god, teacher, statue, spirit, imam, or priest lays down the law.  Even the most tolerant of religions draw the line.

I have a friend who converted to Judaism for her husband.  Her child is being raised Jewish.  I gave her some old Hebrew school books and my Hebrew-English dictionary.  She’ll have better use for them.  I definitely count her as Jewish.

I find the parallels between religion and parenting phenomenal.

If a child who isn’t your biological product lives with you, and you raise him/her, in time you’ll all feel like a big family.  In time, words like “mom,” and “son” breezily fly around.  If there’s been an official adoption, a kid learns the actual difference which we’ve heard a million times:  “That’s my biological father, but this is my DAD.” Even without adoption, the same situation might arise.  It’s about the person and the relationship, not the blood line.  Sandra Bullock stars in a new football movie, The Blind Side that addresses this theme, based on a true story.  Heck, even the Star Wars trilogy deals with blood lines versus the true family.  And there’s no need for a spoiler here; we all know which won out.

According to the World Jewish Population Survey of 2002 , at the beginning of 2002 there were 13,296,100 Jews. Or about one in about 457 people in the world is was Jewish.  According to a 2002 study by the Jewish Agency, “the number of Jews in the world is declining at an average of 50,000 per year.”  I would argue that number isn’t solely due to death.  And when “ruling parties” decide that someone isn’t Jewish, those declining numbers will continue to increase.

Revenge of the Nerds

It’s not just Jews who are having trouble with their numbers.  You’d think the world’s religions were really like one big college Greek system where all the sororities and fraternities are trying to recruit the cool kids.  (Full disclosure: I was in a sorority.) But at the end of the day, the Grand Poo-bah chooses if you’re in.  And just because numbers are down, that doesn’t mean you get to learn the secret handshake.  Worldwide religion has some homework to do if they want to keep the faithful.  Embracing those who follow the belief systems, like the British family, is a good place to begin.  So what if they do it in a way that’s slightly different from how it was done 4000 years ago.

A recent survey from the University of Chicago reported that while the number of people who associate with a particular religion is decreasing, people still pray and believe in God.

Religion or family, it’s about experience, and meaning.  I love Jewish delis and pickles and looking through my Grandma’s photos from 1930s Brooklyn, NY.  And yes, I have a Jewish mother.

This is NOT My Mother. But close.

I may choose not to observe it, but I still think Purim is one of the coolest holidays around. (A super-hero woman saves the day and we dress up in costume and drink to celebrate it–great holiday, right!).  For me, family and tradition are how I identify religion.  It doesn’t really matter if I’m speaking a funny language or going to a specific place once a week.  So am I a Jew?  It depends who you ask.  I would say, “Sorta.”  And is the British kid a Jew?  I say, “L’Chaim!”

I’m reminded of the awful platitude, “Why can’t we all just get along?” But the idealist in me still wants to know why.