Adventures in Holiday Travel

“I thought it was a joke.”

These were the words that the Southwest Airlines Flight Attendant reported to the approximately 130 passengers on board Flight 1053 heading to Denver from Philadelphia on Monday, November 23, 2009.

A passenger who thought she was going to Orlando told these words to the flight attendant.  This, despite the typical cute but semi-snarky, teacher-like admonition from the pilot 10 minutes earlier, “Everyone on this plane is going to Denver, Colorado, RIGHT?”

Our plane was already late in arriving to Philadelphia, due to the weather.  Despite a jet way with no plane outside the airport windows, flight attendants assured passengers making connecting flights in Colorado that they would be OK.

We thought we’d tricked the Travel Devil by leaving on the Monday before Thanksgiving.  (And we’re coming back on Friday, instead of Sunday—but don’t tell anyone.)  We were mostly spot on—the plane was hardly full, there was still beer and peanuts left by the time the flight attendant got to us in the last row, and no one seemed stressed about the pending time with relatives.

And then there was the dumb blonde.  (I can say that because I’m blonde too.)  Because we had not left the gate area, the pilot turned around, and allowed her to deplane.  We were now about an hour and fifteen minutes late.   Kind of like when you’re in the check out line and you realize you forgot milk, we had to get at the end of the line again.  We finally left an hour and forty-five minutes behind schedule.

Now the woman was not a danger to other passengers.  And other passengers were rather polite, just gritting their teeth as she left the aircraft.  They waited until she was gone to let the expletives fly.  Most of us nodded in agreement, despite the brash expression of frustration.

But think about it:  The gatekeeper, a.k.a. the flight attendant who takes boarding passes, is the last opportunity for security.  Is that person checking the flight number?  Destination? Or just the scribble of initials or magic marker swipe left by the TSA agent back at security?

Some airlines scan the boarding passes, but today, Southwest did not. I love Southwest.  They check bags for free.  Despite levies and taxes and other fees, they remain a lower-cost alternative for domestic flight.  But like the TSA video brags that 80 countries have adopted the 3-ounce rule for flying with liquids, it appears that universal standards are needed further along the path from the shoeless body scan to cramming carry-ons overhead.

The TSA is checking IDs against the people in possession and against the boarding passes.  IDs are now marked with holograms and are harder to duplicate.  But I print my boarding passes at home.   And I only print one because that’s all I need.  It is a HUGE convenience and I hope to never give that up.   Consider, though, if I printed two.  And if I gave one to someone else who was already through security?  Unlike many problems in government, this one affords an easy solution.  I would gladly factor in an extra 30 seconds that it may take for the gate agent to scan my boarding pass and check my ID one more time.  Today, it was just a dumb blonde.  Tomorrow, it may not be.